MOTHER KNOWS BEST
                  GUY  pays tribute to his mother, sorta..
Did your mother ever tell you bedtime stories when you were a kid?Mine did. She told me stories of vampires and werewolves hunting ungrateful kids in the dead of the night so my nightmares kept me awake and gave me gas.Once in a while,though,she told me village stories-one of which I got to experience for real as I got older,so I want to share that with you all so you can suffer my pain.
   My mum told me that in the 70s-when our currency still had value- when village folks wanted wanted their future predicted,they would go to see some old man called a 'soothsayer'. These soothsayers had visions of a person's future,prolly after drinking a gallon of something called 'ogogoro' or 'palm wine'..
which i hear tastes like a mixture of 1999 chardonnay and cheap vodka...
  I couldn't imagine how one person anointed by the people to give them all the answers was always seen as right, even when he or she was wrong. Say,for example,there was a dry spell in the village and the crops were dying. Rather than say: 'Hey,lets dig a canal from the nearby river and use it to irrigate our farms'..they would rush to the soothsayer,who would gather a small party and head up the nearest hill to the sound of beating drums. At the summit, there would be some dancing and all kinds of odd ceremonial stuff,before Oga soothsayer would finally come down and proclaim to the adoring crowd that it would rain.
 Perhaps the crowd did not notice the huge moisture filled nimbus clouds hovering over their village before the hill ascent. But they would leap with joy when rain finally fell,washing away them,their crops and their entire village while they are celebrating.
Now if it did not rain,some one's farm animal would have to be sacrificed,or some one's child would have to marry the horny old soothsayer,to break the curse of the drought :-D
  It was not until my late teens,and at the suggestion of my crazy aunt who I affectionately call Auntie Virus, that my mother took me to see my first soothsayer, now renamed FORTUNE TELLER..I had started drinking and carousing with large-chested women,and she wanted to know whether I would grow up to be a bum. I remember only vaguely, because I was drunk at the time, walking down a narrow path in a forest to some tiny hut, where some old man with a walking stick was sitting in front near a fire to keep mosquitoes at bay.
  The man warned me that the naughty girls,like Funke,Ronke,Tinuke,Aduke,Kike and a whole bunch of other girls with names ending with 'ke', would suck the life out of me.Which sounded a little raunchy to me at the time,but then again I was pretty drunk. He told  me to desist from my bad behaviour or my future looked bleak.
  The alcohol quickly wore off, and I began to listen to his dire predictions of what would happen if i did not clean up my act.I vowed to change and by George,I did.My future was certain.
 OK. I lied. I did not change a thing.His predictions of doom sounded more like one hell of a good time.Yes, I wanted to be drunk and spend money frivolously.What was wrong with bad girls sucking the life out of me? My mother was right about the soothsayer.
Happy Mothers Day 0_<
...........this was meant to be posted a long time ago but laziness......

OhNIKkyyy!!!..where are you??

NICKI MINAJ

REAL NAME..ONIKA TANYA MARAJ..AN AMERICAN RAPPER/ARTIST..SHE WAS THE MAIN THANG ON EVERY ONE'S MIND WHEN THE #TT #SEXYTOMTOMS WAS TRENDING ON TWITTER..THE BARBIE BITCH!!..TAKEN THE RAP INDUSTRY BY STORM AND SHE AIN'T BACKING OUT TILL SHE SAYS SO..<>

...follow her on twitter @NICKIMINAJ and follow I and my BLOG too..@freakyjoangel

PURRFECT--->>past tense

You know it's really been a while since I blogged,like 10 days or so!!..and trust me...i miss it!

Anyways,my birthday was 4days ago[the picture attached]..About ma bday,it went well but truth is,it wasn't what I wanted.

Initially,I wanted a bash at belajno or maybe uyo but later on,I changed my mind and that wasnt too good cos' it just destabilized everyone's plans.

A friend of mine gisted me an event that took place in his SS2[he's now a final year student],He took a test and after the test,a girl walks up to him[he gave her dubs for the test] and thanks him and after every,she says 'when we grow up,dont forget me' and according to him,in his head he goes 'how can i forget someone this

beautiful?'

Well,it's been a few years now and he only remembers her cos' of her constant updates on facebook .Nehow,forgetfullness and porous brains is def. not our focus for today.what is,however,is how she was able to see the future 'him' and realize that's what she wanted in a guy and the word in focus is 'WANTED'.

It is amazing how difficult it is to realize exactly what we want.I guess her conception of wants have changed now cos' most times when they are online they dont talk/chat.I guess growing up has made her realize she really doesnt want that guy she saw then.

I saw a pic on facebook and in the pic,stood old asian old women in bridal gowns and bridesmaid dresses and after a lot of 'lols'.I saw a comment that made a whole lotta sense.."i guess these were the ones that were waitin for Mr.Purrfect"..that was the comment.I guess this only happens when your perception of Mr.purrfect changes all the time..

'"WHAT'S KINDA FRUSTRATING AS WELL IS WHEN YOU FIND SOMEONE THATS ALL YOU WANT BUT ALSO HAS A LOTTA STUFF YOU DONT WANT'

So,i guess you get the gist,stop listing all what you want in a guy/girl..funny how you'll get a purrfect life..

Ma bday wasnt totally planned purrfectly,didnt even expect it to go purrfectly..but i took things the way they were,made the best of it..and things worked out themselves..i had a not-too-purrfect bday and that's all I wanted!!

THE THEORY OF THE BOTTLE

"baby,i know sometimes it's gonna rain & baby can we make up now cos' i can't sleep through the pain..girl,i don't wanna go to bed mad at you and i don't want you to go to bed mad at me"

Inspiring words from one of my favourite artists ..'NEYO'.In his song 'mad' he tries to portray a couple who fight but make an effort towards resolving their issues before going to bed.

People with experience say make-up sex is the sweetest,well that one sef dey! A few lines up,he says 'what's even worse is we don't even remember why we are fighting'.

Most couples are so afraid to fight that they bottle up all their feelings[anger,frustration,disagreement,suspicion e.t.c] until eventual day when one final drop fills the bottle and causes it to tip over and spill all the contents.

Then,the fight moves from that final drop to all the content in the now 'broken bottle' and eventually forget all about what caused the fight in the 1st place[the final drop].

This,I call the 'THE THEORY OF THE BOTTLE'. ..The funny part is that it doesn't only apply to couple but with normal human interaction.We are so concerned with what other people will think of us that we bottle up fears,feelings e.t.c. just for it to break open in our faces in a seemingly smaller situation.

I think as a couple,you shouldn't be afraid to fight as it only gives you a greater knowledge of each other.Every fight should not be a journey ender but a filling station on your road to happiness/destiny.

Something about your babe/guy can't be known till you make a mistake.A guy got a pink top for his babe on her birthday[she hates pink],after she got it she said thanks.A lot later she said he knew nothing about her cos' if he did he would have known she hated pink and gotten her a blue top!

She didn't talk to him for sometime but they eventually resolved it,now cos of this fight,he'll never get her anything PINK..so there!...Resolving before going to bed is a different case and requires intense forgiveness.

Listening to 'solo' by Iyaz,'we used to be a team......now we separated in two',then he realises he doesn't want to go solo..Wat's the point? when you guys have already broken up!

......don't bottle it up,say it there and then so he wont get you a pink gown the next time..fights ignite the love but bottling up dampens the feelings and emotions...

.......SIGNED;JOANGEL....

THE BOOMERANG EFFECT!

Guess we all know what a Boomerang is..but if you don't..here it is..

A BOOMERANG IS A FLAT CURVED PIECE OF WOOD USED AS A WEAPON BY AUSTRALIAN ABOROGINALS THAT IS DESIGNED TO RETURN TO THE PERSON WHO THROWS IT..and there in the pic is an LED boomerang..

U notice how it comes back to the guy after going a long way!

Different words and phrases have been made up to explain THE BOOMERANG EFFECT like 'the law of karma' 'when you point at someone,it doesn't matter the finger.three fingers point back at you' 'what goes around comes around'e.t.c

I wanna letchu know am not writing to motivate anyone to do good,cos' am not that good either.I LIE,CHEAT,INSULT,LIE MORE,PRETEND WELLA,sha,i dont steal o!,LET MY ANGER CONTROL MY TONGUE[am working on that]..e.t.c.So am obviously not the right person to be telling you that!

Looking back at my BACHNA AE HASEENO post,The Bomerang Effect comes to play a lot! I mean,the guy ditches 2girls and the girl he eventually loves,ditches him!,but at the same time,the movie tells us sum'n.

If you go back on your knees,humble urself[which is so hard for most of us],and beg or rather ask for forgiveness.The natural Boomerang Effect could go against its principles.Things could get better but most of us[including me] find that very hard!!

We live life forgetting our cleaner could be Obama undercover[not that Obama is God or anything].So there,i wouldn't say am nice to eveyone.YES!i could be selective.i can discriminate but am still a very nice person underneath,it just depends on how u look at things.

I dream of being someone big in the nearest future,but just imagine if i don't ,then i start working at this agency as a cleaner and my boss is the gateman i was rude to when things were 'glam and fab'...BOOMERANG! what would i do?yeah! maybe i resign but wtf? am a cleaner ..i don't have to resign,miss my job for 1day and no one will notice,except the toilets!!..dodge my boss? he fuck'n pays me..so you see there's no way out..except i go somewhere isolated and fuck myself to death!

My point is JUST BE NICE TO EVERYONE YOU MEET ON WAY UP COS' U'LL MEET 'EM ON YOUR DOWN...

And while you watch out for the BOOMERANG EFFECT,watch out for the INGRATEs!

FINALLY,JUST BELIEVE IN GOD,BE GOOD,AND PEOPLE WOULD HAVE NO REASON TO SCREAM '

'BOOMERANG

...... SIGNED:JOANGEL

BLOOD TIES..

So far,today has been a good day,spent most of it with my mum...but that's not what am gon write about..btw i have to change this blog time,6am?why would i be bloggin by 6am?am fuck'n sleeping by then! So now am sittin on my bed and tweetin,then i miss my lil'cousins,then i remember i got a blog! So here I am,about to write on my annoying lil' cousins..it doesn't matter if you like it,its just straight from my heart!..and head[of course]
.....As an only child,my cousins are the closest things to siblings to me,but the annoying part is most of them are now getting married,so those kids are almost the only ones left,but truth is,they are the most special!
TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT THAT PICTURE!!..see how stressed i look..mehn!that day was hectic!
The little people came visiting!!..they turned my room and the parlour[the only places they could enter except the kitchen, TO THEIR PLAYGROUND] and i recall when Junior[the guy that appears to be fond of his thumb] cut ma phone charger,and i could nothing ..why? cos he's family!

Bachna Ae Haseeno

The 15th of may is the bday of a friend of mind,she's called me like 10 times and i've been ignoring her..truth is,i need to be the last to tell her 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY'....

ok..'bachna ae haseeno' meaning[lemme think of the easiest way to put it] 'beware of the beautiful' but google says it means BEWARE,YE BEAUTIFUL.so there!..a very captivating movie!!..ok,from where i started

A BOY IS SITTING ON A PEW WITH A GIRL,THEY TALK PLAIN AT FIRST,THEN THE BOY CONFESSES THAT THERE IS FUEL IN HIS SCOOTER,HE PURPOSELY STOPPED THE SCOOTER AT THE ISOLATED PLACE SO THEY COULD BE TOGETHER..THEY CONFESS THEIR LOVE FOR EACHOTHER AND KISS[for indian movie..kai!world don spoil]..ok..here's the movie ...its kinda in subheadings..well that's how the movie was,just that in the movie,they used blackouts!

MEETS MAHI{EUROPE'1996]

Mahi,which is the hottie in the 3quarters and silver wedge and the girl on the pew,is an europe based indian,she missed her train and Raj[the hunk] helped her,well after sometime they fell in love,he writes a poem on a little sheet of toilet roll[clean one o!] for her but HE reads it out!..ok,so they sing a song 2geda[like every indian film out there] and they seem to be so much in LOVE!!..

next thing,she's goin out of the country,she tells him about a guy her dad is arranging for her,unto marraige levels,he promises to come over and marry her,then she leaves,he starts talking about her to his friends,saying he's not goin to marry her,he kissed her and all the shit and 18year old would say!!..his friends call him a 'killer' and he's proud of the name ...suddenly,he turns..and there she is...MAHI..listening to everything he said and crying with the sheet of tissue in her hands[she realized it was clean,there was no poem on it,he got the whole 'ken tsaro wiwa thingy' from his head]....he looks @ her and walks away,he FUCK'N walks away...

1ST HEARTBREAK.........

MEETS RADHIKA[INDIA 2002]

Radhika,thats the girl in the jean bumshorts and pink/red top,total hottie,dreams of becoming an actress,a neighbour to Raj[who just moved in newly] and is seriously trying to get her attention.To cut this part short,he finally gets her,they move in together[ALREADY O!] BTW Raj now works in a microsoft company,he creates a new game with his number1 man,Binchu. this game gives him a transfer to Sydney,Australia.He plans on actually ditching her and meeting new babes in sydney,even though he's been with Radhika for like 18months.

Now he has to break with her..

RAJ:Radhika,i feel so bad but i've been transfered to sydney

RADHIKA:oh! i see!*sad face*[raj is already rejoicing]..so you want us to get married? no problem,il go to the court,arrange the date..bla bla..

Raj feels down,he thought she'll stay back and meet up with her actress dreams..ok na!..he tries different things to make her stop the wedding like saying he's impotent ..all to no avail,she really loves him but Raj dumped her on the wedding day.8th August 2002.

Radhika sat on the stairs of the temple,with her bridal wear,in the rain,crying,her henna washing away.

2nd heartbreak

MEETS GAYATRI[SYDNEY 2007]

He goes to a pub and starts hitting on a blonde,while they're in a cab,he tries goin 2nd base and our MR.KILLER mistakenly calls her Bianca while her name is Tia,that fetches him a slap!of course! The taxi girl laughs at him and talks in hindi..

Well,he makes her his regular taxi,finds out her name is Gayatri[the girl in the gown],goes to her store in the day and uses her taxi in the night[this guy works in a gaming company,he's got cars]..sha! as you all will predict,they fall in love but earlier on she told him she doesnt ever wanna get married but he thinks its just cheap talk.

Raj put thousands of candles around a fountain..

Raj:i love you,Gayatri. Would you marry me?

To cut long story short,Gayatri refuses!..OUCH!

Our MR.KILLER cries! NOW THAT WAS A SHOCKER! then apparitions of Mahi and Radhika[in the same clothes as when he dumped them] appear and talk to him!

THE RETURN OF MR.KILLER

Raj then decides he has got to apologise to Mahi and Radhika...

MAHI:he succesfully finds Mahi's house,finds out she has twin boys[dimpy and sum'n] but trouble comes whem Mahi's husband,Jungari,sees him.Jungari warns him to stay off Mahi saying its all his fault Mahi doesnt believe in love any longer and he's lovelife with his wife is sour.Raj doesnt loose hope,he goes to the wedding of Mahi's sister,Chotri,and talks to Mahi but she ignores him,then he bribes one of her sons to call her which he did,when mahi comes,he apologizes and talks her into loving her husband and believing in love.Finally,he made everything right,she forgave him and for the first time kissed her husband with love.

RADHIKA:Radhika or rather Shreya Rathod[she changed her name] is now a faboulous,blockbuster actress but she's now cruel,hard hearted,emotionless and bossy.Raj tries to talk to her but she keeps ignoring him,so he follows her to Italy,then she tells him the only option he has for him to get her forgiveness is to be her P.A. which he accepted.

This wasnt as easy as he expected,she actually put him through fuck'n hell..MR.KILLER had to be a waiter or rather SLAVE,a public dancer when she's bored,chauffeur,shopping bags carrier,umbrella holder,swimming pool cleaner and everything Slave-ish!..After a month,she talks to him about their previous relationship but still refuses to forgive him and then FIRES him!

Raj then decides to go back to Sydney.At the airport,the babe forgives him.

BACK TO SYDNEY

Raj opens his door..and TADA!!..letters are everywherere.he reads them and they're all from Gayatri...Suddenly,a new letter comes in,he figures that would be Gayatri and chases after her..he finds her in HER taxi..

and she goes:

'YOU STILL LOVE ME AFTER ALL I DID' and he goes;'ITS EASY LOVING YOU COS' LOVING YOU IS LIKE LOVING MYSELF!'

and they kiss AGAIN[in indian film]..END!

....SIGNED:JOANGELL AND ELESHIN BUNMI...

matters of the heart_THE WILD LOVEberry

Sitting down on the sofa,watching t.v..ok..i was gonna write on 'mums' but something happened yesterday and that motivated this topic ..DATING & LOVE.. before i start talkin about the emotional shit that happened .u have to see this:

its been some time since we last spoke

this is gonna sound like a bad joke

but momma,i fell in LOVE again

its save to say i have a new girlfriend

...............................................................

i mean she even cooks me pancakes

and alka seltzer when my tommy aches

if that ain't LOVE then i dont know what love is

we even got a secret handshake

and she loves the music that my band makes

i know am young but if i had to choose her or the sun

id be one nocturnal son of a gun

.....few weeks later,he breaks up with her and meets another girl...

it's been a while since we talked last and am tryin' hard not to talk fast

but that am finally thinkin' i may have found the one

kinda gurl that would make you wayy proud of your son[father rolls eyes]

i know you heard the last song about the girls that didnt last

but i promise this is on a whole new plane

i can by the way she says my name

i love it when she calls ma fone

she even got her very own ringtone

if that aint love then i dont know what love is[WTF?]

its gon' be along drive home but i know as soon as i arrive home

and i open the door, take off ma coat and throw ma bag on the floor

she'll be back in ma arms once more for sure

..he caught her in bed with another that day..now fancy that'...
.....now why those he love her??...

she's got a smile that would make the most senile

annoying old man bite his tongue

she's got eyes comparable to the sunrise[LIE!]

and it doesnt stop there

man i swear

she's got a porcelain skin of course she,s a ten

and now she's even got her own song

but movin' on

she's got the cutest laugh i ever heard

and we can be on the fone for like 3 hours

not sayin' one word[lmao]

and i would still cherish every moment

and when i start to build ma future, she's the main component

..................................

now..this is an extract from the song 'cupid's chokehold' by 'gym class heroes'

That word 'love' has gone thru a lot in the hearts of teens,authors,adults and even artists we fan!!

..i broke up with a guy i used to love so much[or so i thought] ..this guy and I used to be so into each other when suddenly, I lost interest in the whole thing..dunno why

now u cant say we were in love,can you?..right now am secretely in love with another guy that i plan never to officially date..funny how i use the word LOVE ..huh??

ok! i know ma blog isnt a site to pour out all ma emotional bullshit[or is it?] but i can't help it!

..now am watching 'trace tv' and the song 'break your heart' by 'taio cruz' is on.."if you fall for me........am only gonna break your heart"..so what do you call that?..temporary love? love with a known near end? what?

These are the facts i learnt from ma relationships and that of ma fwends:

1] after sometime time they become relationsh!ts

2]don't date a thief with hope of changing him..trust me..he'll either steal from you or turn you to a thief

3]don't ever dream of marrying ur teen BF..NEVER EVER!!

4]calling you 24/7,buzzing you,constantly saying he LOVES you,visiting you all the time is NEVER love

5]the word LOVE has been replaced with words like jimmy choos,shoes,bags,shopping and SEX!

6]don't let appearances fool ya!

7]ok..cant think of anyother thing..but just want you to know no matter who you datin'...never give full trust and THINK OF YOURSELF FIRST .....

....I KNOW I SAID I WAS GON' RIGHT ABOUT ME IN MA 2ND BLOG POST..but nahhh..am way too important jhoorr o!!

introducin' jo-EXTRO

welcome to ma bloooogg!!
To be truthful,this blog..i dont think..is gonna be that fun..trust me..am far better at saying crap than puttin it down..i guess that explains why anytym i get in trouble in school,my reports either implicate me or get the whole BOG confused...ok..BTB.am a super super extrovert!!
TEMPERAMENT:sanguine[definitely]..talking of ma sanguine abilities..i remember 1ce..i went 4 dis 'parry'..to be truthful'it was a 2yearolds'..which left me[apparently the only social teen at the party],so i decently stood up,took a little walk around and sighted this cute teenage male..now me being the IMA EKPO everyone knows me as..i walked up to him and the conversation went thus:
me: hey,uhmm..anyone seating here?[there was a spare seat by him,luckily 4 me]
teenhunk:[he had this deep voice..and NO .. i was NOOT hittin on him]..uhmm..no,i dont think so..u can have a seat if u wanna[ALLAH''i no go lie,its good 2 look hawt,no matter where ur heading to] or are you looking for someone
me:no..am just bored and kinda looking for someone to chat with..
teenhunk:ok..ma name's *PATRICK [note:he ddidnt say he was gonna chat with me,he started chattin at once..now there's a nice guy]
.....SO i and patrick had a long discussion for about 2hours,then i found out he's a cousin to one of ma childhood familyfriends.[now aint that a female dog,i wanted to make a new friend].anyway ma point is thats how i made a new person[he's not a friend YET]..
...ok..THAT STORY WAS SO NOT RELEVANT..
am tottally into music and dancing,am very mad[wen i want to be],if u aint used 2 me..i could creep you out with ma chitter chatter...
i remember one really BORINGGGGGG nightprep when i was in high school[lol]..due to the dehumanizing boredom..i GOT UP unpacked ma hair and turned it to a mohawk[the saucekid kind] and startin going round classes..ppl actually complimented..then i remember duttywining in front of the class and doin the popular 'kpike isin' dance after writing ma exams..
OK..this is just about the extrovert part of me..lyk i said thiss is one-twelveth of ma life..ma next post is gonna be about another part of ma life..trust me..itll be more composed unlike this 'cut and join' post
ok..i wanna go watch t.v..so GO AWay
P.S..if u see any gbagauns,just look away
*thats not he's real name..