MOTHER KNOWS BEST
                  GUY  pays tribute to his mother, sorta..
Did your mother ever tell you bedtime stories when you were a kid?Mine did. She told me stories of vampires and werewolves hunting ungrateful kids in the dead of the night so my nightmares kept me awake and gave me gas.Once in a while,though,she told me village stories-one of which I got to experience for real as I got older,so I want to share that with you all so you can suffer my pain.
   My mum told me that in the 70s-when our currency still had value- when village folks wanted wanted their future predicted,they would go to see some old man called a 'soothsayer'. These soothsayers had visions of a person's future,prolly after drinking a gallon of something called 'ogogoro' or 'palm wine'..
which i hear tastes like a mixture of 1999 chardonnay and cheap vodka...
  I couldn't imagine how one person anointed by the people to give them all the answers was always seen as right, even when he or she was wrong. Say,for example,there was a dry spell in the village and the crops were dying. Rather than say: 'Hey,lets dig a canal from the nearby river and use it to irrigate our farms'..they would rush to the soothsayer,who would gather a small party and head up the nearest hill to the sound of beating drums. At the summit, there would be some dancing and all kinds of odd ceremonial stuff,before Oga soothsayer would finally come down and proclaim to the adoring crowd that it would rain.
 Perhaps the crowd did not notice the huge moisture filled nimbus clouds hovering over their village before the hill ascent. But they would leap with joy when rain finally fell,washing away them,their crops and their entire village while they are celebrating.
Now if it did not rain,some one's farm animal would have to be sacrificed,or some one's child would have to marry the horny old soothsayer,to break the curse of the drought :-D
  It was not until my late teens,and at the suggestion of my crazy aunt who I affectionately call Auntie Virus, that my mother took me to see my first soothsayer, now renamed FORTUNE TELLER..I had started drinking and carousing with large-chested women,and she wanted to know whether I would grow up to be a bum. I remember only vaguely, because I was drunk at the time, walking down a narrow path in a forest to some tiny hut, where some old man with a walking stick was sitting in front near a fire to keep mosquitoes at bay.
  The man warned me that the naughty girls,like Funke,Ronke,Tinuke,Aduke,Kike and a whole bunch of other girls with names ending with 'ke', would suck the life out of me.Which sounded a little raunchy to me at the time,but then again I was pretty drunk. He told  me to desist from my bad behaviour or my future looked bleak.
  The alcohol quickly wore off, and I began to listen to his dire predictions of what would happen if i did not clean up my act.I vowed to change and by George,I did.My future was certain.
 OK. I lied. I did not change a thing.His predictions of doom sounded more like one hell of a good time.Yes, I wanted to be drunk and spend money frivolously.What was wrong with bad girls sucking the life out of me? My mother was right about the soothsayer.
Happy Mothers Day 0_<
...........this was meant to be posted a long time ago but laziness......